Culture That's Out of Control

I found this posting on http://mormontimes.org/mormon_voices/orson_scott_card/?id=7751 by Orson Scott Card. I thought he brought up some really good points about Mormon culture, things I had thought about - but he says so much better than me.

Here's the start of the article:

“How do these things get started? And why do they so quickly get completely out of hand? We Mormons are sensible, practical people, aren't we? Ditch-digging irrigators, that's how we started, anyway. You do what it takes to get the water to the crops, and then you go to priesthood meeting. Right?

We have a long tradition of avoiding wretched excess. "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without," that was the slogan. Enough is enough.But there's another stream running through Mormon culture -- fads and fashions that leave the rest of us shaking our heads and wondering how things got so out of hand.................."

Go ahead - click on the link. Read the article. It's a good one.

Thank you Orson Scott Card for this article and making me "ponder" about a few things.

Letting Go

It seems as if it was only yesterday that I held my baby in my arms for the first time. My heart swelled with love and joy. As your tiny little hand grabbed on to my finger and I held your tiny little hand, tears of happiness came to my eyes. I would always hold onto you – be there for you, I promised, no matter what.

Mobility came as you started to crawl. I just had to make sure there was nothing on the floor which would hurt you, closing doors to rooms to keep you safe. I held your hands as you started to walk and watched you closely as you took those first steps on your own. I made sure to have locks on the cupboard doors and padding on the sharp corners. It was my responsibility to keep you safe. I’ll never forget those falls – and whether you were physically hurt or just your pride – you would look up at me with those tear filled eyes. I would grab you and hug you and love you. I would watch over you and protect you forever – I promised.

The years go on – holding on the back of your bike as you learn to ride on your own, those wobbly legs as you learn to roller skate, and lest we forget – the climbing of trees and all other sort of things that give mother fits. But all the time I was there – ready to grab you, protect you, guide you and love you – I promised.

Oh then came those wonderful teenage years and new challenges.
I couldn’t watch you as closely. You didn’t want me to hug you and hold onto you, you wanted your independence. It came the time of the “driver’s permit.” I was in that car as you learned how to drive, my heart anxiously watching to make sure you would be a safe driver for I still had to do all I could to protect you. Time moved on and you had your license and off you go. I couldn’t be with you all the time – I worried and fretted. I loved you. I had promised to keep you safe and protected – always.

As you grew from that little baby to the person you are today – I have always had to let you go. I have had to let you go, to crawl, to walk, to climb, to ride, and to drive. I now have to let you go and let you live your own live, to make your own decisions, to make your own mistakes, and to let you learn from all of it.

Through all those years of watching over you, I did a few other things for you too. I taught you right from wrong. I taught you that not only do I love you, and your father loves you – but so does our Heavenly Father love you. You are a child of God. I did my best to teach you correct principles. And more than anything else – I prayed for you. I prayed for your health and safety, for your protection, for you to make good choices, and for you to know that you are loved. I learned that I can’t always be there to watch over you, to protect you and to keep you safe. But I can pray for you always, because I love you – no matter what.

As I ponder about these things, it makes me realize how thankful I am for a Heavenly Father who cared and loved each one of us so much that he sent us his Son. His Son, Jesus Christ, whom not only taught us, but bled for us in the Garden of Gethsemane as an atoning sacrifice, and who allowed himself to be crucified, then came back to life to give us the gift of Resurrection. I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who watches over me – but also you – and knows of my joys and my sorrow as you go through this life making both good and bad choices. I am thankful for Jesus Christ and his atonement – not just for you as you will learn that you need to repent from those mistakes you are making, but for me as I watch you make those mistakes and I learn to live with your choices – to let you go.
I am grateful to a Heavenly Father who taught me by example of letting go – letting me go to come here to this earth, to make my own choices, but always watching over me, always there for me, always loving me.

As I let you go to make your own choices, I want you to know I am always watching over you the best I can as I kneel in prayer to my Heavenly Father to watch over you for me. I want you to know that I will always be there – no matter what – always loving you. I will always be there with my arms out-stretched waiting to enfold you in them and welcoming you home. You are my child. I love you. I will always be there for you – I promised.

Not Just Me Saying It!

Go to this link and read an article about

Communication!

http://mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/reader_voices/?id=7664

It says some of the same things I did in an earlier text,

only better!

Face to face communication!

C'mon, reach out and touch someone!!!

Marriage Advice

“Don’t go to sleep angry.” How many times have you heard that as marriage advice? What advice would you give newly married couples – or even couples who may be struggling in their marriage? I’ve thought about that – and about advice I was given. However, the advice I really remember getting wasn’t really given as advice per se, but just something said to me by my mom early into my marriage.

My mom never really sat me down and gave me “a talk” about marriage and what it would entail. She never told me what I needed to do to have a good marriage – or not a good marriage. I guess she figured I would learn it all on my own. Which I have, to some extent, but I am still learning. Marriage is a continuous learning process, it never stops. If it does stop, well, I would say your marriage is in trouble.

On to the advice-that wasn’t really given as advice. I hadn’t been married very long when I called my mom complaining. You know how it is – trying to mix two completely different people together for the first time – two ways of doing things – two young (and we were young, only 21) kids trying to make a go of it. So when I called to complain – she says –“what about Doug?” Excuse me – I am your daughter, he is just the new son-in-law, who cares – what about ME? My mom told me not to come to her with complaints, it was to my husband I should be going to. It was with him I needed to talk to, not anybody else. It was OUR marriage, not hers, not anybody else’s. Talk to my husband.

Fast forward 25 years, and yes I mean now. I called my mom – in tears. Don’t we all want to have our mom comfort us when we are in pain – emotionally or physically? Well, this was an emotional pain. As I am pouring my heart out to her, she says “what about Doug?” What – here I am crying to you and you want to know about Doug? I tell her that he just said to “learn to live with it (what I was crying about) and to move on.” “Oh Micheline” she says, “He needs you right now just as you need him. He needs your arms around him, just like you need his around you.” Same basic advice she gave me before– go to your husband – 25 years later. It was the same thing – this is YOUR marriage, not hers, and not anybody else’s.

As women we always tend to go to other women to get sympathy and understanding when problems arise. We know that another woman will say the things we want to hear, which usually men (meaning husbands) won’t do. I have been guilty of this too many times. (More than once is too many times!) But, is it right to take our problems or concerns about our husbands or our marriage to other women? Doesn’t that in someway compound the problem? Imagine if we always went to our husbands whenever we were unhappy with them or with ourselves. Think how much stronger our marriages would be. But it is so easy to say “oh, they just don’t understand how I feel”. Of course they don’t because we don’t give them the opportunity to understand. Husbands will listen and try to understand if we give them the chance. Believe me, I know. There have been times however that Doug has told me “I just can’t help you with this – you need to talk to someone else, a sister or a friend, whoever, just talk to someone.” Hooray – I have permission to tell someone else who will give me sympathy and understanding! Doug understood he couldn’t help me with that particular problem!! I don’t need to feel guilty in this instance. Rare, but it has happened!

Other marriage advice my mom gave me – which, again, wasn’t really advice – was by her example. Not the example of marriage, but by not trying in any way to interfere in my marriage. My mom is probably the least intrusive mother or mother-in-law you could find. She doesn’t ask questions about my marriage, our finances, what’s going on in our kids lives – nothing. She doesn’t question any of our decisions, just lets us live our own lives as a couple and as a family. Even when she knew we were struggling in some way, she let us deal with it. If we asked her advice, then she might give it to us. When we go to St. George to visit – knowing we have both families in town, she is just happy to see us when we can make it to her house. She doesn’t complain if we don’t spend as much time with her as she would like us too. It’s our choice. Same as with everything else – this is OUR marriage, not hers or anyone else’s.

How great is that! I don’t know how she does it but it is something I am striving to do – not interfere in my kids marriages. (And let me tell you – it’s hard. I am getting better at biting my tongue!) I love that example she has given me – the “advice in a marriage that wasn’t really advice. "

I guess what I am trying to say – is we all need to realize that in a marriage there are two people, two completely different people trying to become “as one”. Yet, you can’t do that if you don’t communicate and talk to each other about the big – and little - things.
Those little things will just get bigger if you talk to someone other than your husband about them, and those big things, well, they just get lots bigger. Communication - I wrote about that before in another post. (I must write about what I need to work on!) In any relationship, communication is the key.

I guess that would be the marriage advice I would give to anyone – communicate with your spouse. It will open doors in your relationship you didn’t even know were closed. It will keep those doors opened which will help you to “become one”. It will keep you falling in love - over and over again. Isn't that what we all want in our marriage? I know I do!

Common Sense

Have you wondered where the common sense has gone in this country today? I have.
I remember my parents telling me – and now me telling my kids – “Just use common sense.” How I wish I could tell that to the people in this country – and especially the politicians. I doubt most of them even know what it is.

How would you define common sense? As I try to come up with a logical definition, it’s harder than it seems. After all – it’s just common sense! You do it because it is logical and it just makes sense. Whether it is financial, personal, political, in any area of your life – just use common sense. There. Did that make any sense to you?

I ran across this the other day on a blog I enjoy, which made me think about “Common Sense”. I just have to share it with you.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by:

his parents, Truth and Trust

by his wife, Discretion

by his daughter, Responsibility

and by his son, Reason

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

~Author Unknown

How true this is. Now - can all of you out there please use Common Sense in your life.

Maybe we can all help to resurrect it.

A Confession

I have something to confess to. Now I know this will shock and distress many of you, but I just have to say it. Okay…here goes…..I hate housework! There – it’s said. I feel better now.

Housecleaning was never a priority in my home while growing up. I love my mom and she has many - many wonderful qualities, but she never taught me how to clean. She never stood by my side and showed me how to clean a toilet, scrub the floors, or anything else. And let me say – I am paying for it now. What I know about cleaning, I have pretty much taught myself or asked other people questions about cleaning tips. I am a work in progress in becoming a cleaning fanatic. I doubt I’ll ever get to that point – but I’m working on it.

My goal as a mother: teach my kids to clean so that they will be much better at it than I.
I have tried to stand by their side and show them some of the tips I have learned over the years. I’m finding it sometimes takes standing by their side many times over. I am persistent though. They will learn, even if it kills me or them. And let me say, they think it is killing them. Here’s to survival!

The Lost Art of Communication

E-mail, texting, blogs, facebook – are all relatively new, faster, and easier ways to communicate. However, are they better? Joseph Priestly said many, many years ago, “The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate.”

I remember a few years ago one of the commercials on TV said “Reach out and touch someone.” They were talking about communication. Have you “reached out and touched someone” lately? I’m not talking about e-mail, texting, blogs or facebook.

All of my older kids have cell phones. I was thinking that it would be easier to keep in contact with them now. In some ways it is, but in other ways our communication has lost its personal touch. Most times I can call, and call, and call and receive no answer. However, if I text – more often then not they will text back. It’s a short communication and a very impersonal way of communicating. Yet it seems to be the way that our one on one communication will be in the future. Some kids with cell phones have 6000, 8000, or even more than 10,000 texts a month. Where is the “reaching out and touching someone” in this type of communication? Kristi attends a school for advanced and gifted students – students who are dedicated to their learning. One of her classmates got her first cell phone. She was texting so much, including school hours that hergrades went from A’s to failing. Her dedication to learning stopped when she got her phone. Her phone was gone when her parents saw her grades and texting bill! I would get texts from my kids during class time, which didn't make me happy. Doug has teased Mikel that she will be asked through texting for her hand in marriage – and she will text back her answer. Extreme – maybe, but with the impersonal form of communication today it doesn’t sound so far-fetched.

I came across another quote, this one by Anthony Robbins. He said “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” I would like to add to the end of that “the quality of our lives” with our family and friends. Getting a text, reading a blog, seeing it on facebook, does not get the same personal touch as a phone call or a visit. By reading something you can’t hear the excitement, disappoint, fear, or any other emotion in their voice as you can by actually talking to them. And in return, they can’t hear the emotional response back if it is only read. Yes, you can have those exclamation points on the blog or facebook, but it isn’t the same. There is a reason the church has guidelines in place for visiting teaching, in making sure you have a personal visit once every three months. Sending a card or calling all the time cannot give you that bond you need to have with those whom you teach. You can’t develop a personal relationship if you just send a card or letter all the time. It is the same with your relationship with the Lord. You can’t have one if you aren’t talking to him. Just like with family and friends. You can’t have that personal relationship if you are only doing the impersonal ways of communication. It has to go both ways too – each of the parties reaching out and taking the time to talk or have a visit. Not every day or every week, but on a regular basis. Reach out when you have that news, good or bad. Most people have cell phones which make long distance calling affordable – and you can call from most anywhere. When we moved to Mesa, we only had the regular long distance yet Doug and I made it a priority to call our parents as much as possible, as our money would allow. Reaching out – making the personal touch means a lot. It keeps families and friendships together. It bonds you together. It helps determine the quality of our lives as families and friends. Go ahead – reach out and touch someone today. I will be.